Some say that all parents damage their children
Mitch Albom wrote in his book, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, “All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”
Many adults are living with regrets about their parenting but regrets are wasted energy. Regrets don’t fix anything and they keep you living in the past. If you are forward-thinking, you may be able to make amends, apologize, and move forward with a better relationship with your children (at any age).
Another perspective on “damage”
Even your “damage” can end up serving your children well in the long run.
A 62-year-old author recently spoke about his adversarial relationship with his father. He said his father was rough on him, verbally abusive, and told him he was nothing, that he never would be more than nothing.
Nonetheless, the author declared he wouldn’t have wanted another father.
Why?
Because his determination to prove his father wrong helped him find his true contributions to this world. And indeed, this man was successful and happy!
In our world of polarity, good often arises out of negative events. Sometimes you just have to take the time to honestly consider the positive. This doesn’t mean you make excuses for errors but you can excuse yourself for not knowing better at that time.
The reality of having children
The reality is that children are born to parents that must be young enough to bear children.
Ironically, wisdom generally comes through the experiences of life as people are getting older. Knowing that, you may more easily accept that you did the best you could at the time.
Move forward and make good things happen NOW!
Share your thoughts in the comment box below…
Do you think it’s true that “all parents damage their children?”
Have you made peace with your own parents’ damage to you?
If you are harboring guilt and regrets about your own parenting, can you have a conversation with your adult children to make amends before any more time goes by?
12 Secrets teaches how to live life without regrets! Check out the next upcoming mini-course!
This post was updated from August 21, 2018.
There is a fantastic book called I Am Done With The Crying By Sheri McGregor. This is a great book. I feel children have different perceptions when they are growing up – ie. One thinks their childhood was terrible and another believed it was great and there are other siblings that form a sorta “ pow- wow “ bashing mom or dad . I believe at times that the better the parent the more they are seen as weak and at times are not really appreciated. I also believe that hereditary genes play a big role in how children and adults think. Children can also choose how they want to live and be. Adults can decide how they should not do what their abusive parents did. Your greatest disappointment in life can be your teacher.
Thank you for a great subject I had a terrible childhood so when I became a Mom I thought I will never let anyone hurt them and at times I was to strict but I did out of Love. That is a good suggestion to talk with your older children. Thanks.
Maybe parents do damage children, or maybe the bad behavior of parents calls on children to learn and do better, so I would like to think bad parenting could be a painful step is the bettering of each generation. Though I know that in instances of abuse, children of abusers very likely become abusers themselves.
Kathryn, I love your reflection offering bad parenting as a reason for children and parents to reach out to one another when a better way of getting along is discovered.
Thanks for the thoughtful topic.
Julie, thank you for commenting. I so appreciate YOU and your consideration of this topic as worthy of talking about. We just have to keep imagining a better world. : )