In this interview, Rachel McClure offers solid advice to parents and grandparents of alcoholics and drug addicts.
What are the DON’Ts and DOs?
Rachel has worked with the children, parents, grandparents and other loved ones suffering from the impact of someone else’s addiction.
Being a parent or grandparent may not be how you imagined it.
“All mental health experts are helping in some capacity because these family issues have no boundaries. It’s a common conversation with patients,” explains Rachel.
Drugs and Alcohol Touch Every Family and Reach into Every Neighborhood
It’s not unusual to find grandparents today raising young children rather than enjoying their retirement years working on their bucket list.
Fortunately, Rachel McClure gives tips to handle this tricky situation!
DON’Ts for Parents and Grandparents of Alcoholics and Drug Addicts
- Don’t Nag The addicted individual has to be ready for help. You can air your concerns, but the person must want to seek treatment, or it’s wasted energy and won’t hurry their process.
- Don’t Beg Express your feelings of concern without begging and without trying to force your agenda.
- Don’t Get Dragged to their Low Level Addiction brings out a high level of emotions. Loved ones will have frustration, anger, and fear.
- Don’t Clean Up Their Messes Whether it’s just a mess of clothes on the floor to legal matters or incarceration, let the addict manage his or her own consequences.
- Don’t Seek Out Their Recovery Venues An addict needs to be accountable for their own recovery. Their independence is the best way for them to work through their own problems and build self-confidence as a successful person.
- Don’t Give or Lend Money As much as we want to help, this is typically NOT helpful. They might really need money for rent but that money probably won’t make it as a rent payment.
- Don’t Allow Guilt and Self-Blame You can’t take responsibility for someone else’s addiction. Everyone needs to own their own decisions and be accountable for their own lives.
DOs for Parents and Grandparents of Alcoholics or Drug Addicts
- Do Seek Professional Help Once again, don’t minimize how hard the situation is. It’s probably the hardest thing a parent or grandparent could ever deal with. In order to be one’s best self, we need new tools or an advanced skill set.
- Do Find Community Support Community support prevents isolation and allows the conversation to flow, so you don’t feel alone. It also allows opportunities to be helpful to someone else
- Do Set Personal Boundaries You wouldn’t tolerate stealing, lying, and other outrageous behavior from a child, so why not have boundaries with an adult! Boundaries help you remember what you’ll tolerate and what you will not.
- Do Find Ways to Create Joy It’s still ultimately your responsibility to find happiness. Addiction problems can feel all-consuming but what was once important needs to remain in life. Working through feelings of guilt is important.
- Do Remember that Self Care is VITAL to Your Wellbeing From basic needs to creating or maintaining a social life, this is an essential step to wellbeing.
- Do Release with Love You have your own life and can still love the addict, but you have to keep loving yourself, as well. In fact, you have to love yourself more.
Please share your thoughts in the comment box below…
If you are a parent or grandparent of an alcoholic or drug addict, do you have additional advice to offer?
Here are a few organizations that may be useful to you or your loved one…
- Al-Anon: for family members who are impacted by addiction
- National Substance Abuse Hotline (for the individual AND family members: (800) 662-4357
- National Suicide Hotline (800) 273-8255
Please read this article if you still think you can get him (or her) to change.
This interview is so helpful and informative. Thanks so much for addressing a problem that’s so prevalent today.
Having lived through the nightmare of drug addiction with our son, we “discovered” many of the do’s and don’t s discussed in this interview. Some we were more successful with than others. Fortunately, our son finally did have that moment when he literally turned his life around in seemingly a blink of an eye and has been living clean, sober and productively for several years now.
My best piece of advice for parents or grandparents, experiencing addiction in their families, is very difficult and may seem somewhat controversial. I would suggest that if you can find a third person party to talk with, that you do so. I would not suggest sharing this “burden” with even your closest friends or family, at least the nitty-gritty details of your situation. Don’t lie to people, but you don’t have to share everything. The reason I say this is because people who love you will want to help you and in so doing will give you all manner of advice. The advice may be good, bad or indifferent and may not be at all suitable to your situation. If you seemingly ignore or do not use their advice, this can lead to yet another layer of stress if these people feel as though you rejected their help.
You should find a disinterested third party, whom you can trust, to allow you to relieve some of the pressures, issues, angers, etc. that you feel. Trying to go it on your own is soul crushing, but “burdening” those you love with this issue can create a whole new level of stress. We all like to think that we are willing to help our loved ones through anything, but sometimes the best thing we can do is just smile, support, love, and keep our mouths shut.
This article and interview is very to the point and helpful.
So beautifully said. Thank you SO much for your comment.
I find all of your interviews to be informative and helpful, but this one was so important to me! As a clinical mental health therapist, I see the effects of addiction both for the individual struggling with addiction and those closest to that individual. Having experienced this personally with friends and family members who struggled with addiction, I know how important support is! Addiction takes its toll on the friends and family that surround an addicted individual making a tough situation even more difficult.
Thank Kathryn for always providing imperative information and for doing so much to help others. Rachel, you were amazing as well! Professional, knowledgeable, genuine and empathetic. Everything you want in a therapist!
I am grateful our world has people like the two of you! Keep doing amazing work ladies!
Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement!! Rachel and I both hope the interview and article help people struggling through this heartbreaking crisis!